If you are being abused by your husband, you are not to blame for the abuse. No matter what your husband might have told you, you’ve done nothing to cause him to snap, to overreact, or to get angry. If he’s abusing you, he’s not angry; he’s abusive. There is a huge difference.
So you think you failed? So what? We all fail from time to time. Honey, it’s part of being human. You don’t want to fail, do you? Neither do I, but I do fail sometimes. And so do you. When a good person fails, they apologize and try to do better. You do that and I do, too. Abusers don’t do that. When your abuser fails, you get abused. Then he blames you. But your failures as a wife, however great or small, whether real or imagined, in no way gives your husband the right to seek to destroy your body, your mind, your heart, or your being.
Nothing you may have done makes you worthy of his cruelties. It doesn’t matter if you somehow “slip up” in your duties at times, serve supper late, fail to pick up the dry cleaning, or let the house get a bit messy when you’re super busy. That’s life. Things get out of control sometimes. He’s just looking for an excuse to abuse you simply because he wants to.
Nothing you’ve done or haven’t done, said or haven’t said, caused your husband to yell at you, smack you, terrorize you, castigate you, assault you, rape you, discipline you, ignore you, or abuse you, in any way, shape, form or fashion. It was his choice, and his alone.
Abuse of any kind is the fault of the abuser. Abusers choose to abuse.
Abuse needs no excuse. Abusers need no reason to abuse. They abuse because they are abusers. They don’t think like normal people, they don’t react like normal people, they don’t respond like normal people. They think, react, and respond like abusive people because that is what they are. Because of that, it doesn’t matter if you failed or if you didn’t fail, they will abuse you anyway. Abusers can be driven to abuse their victims by anything or by nothing. Whatever happens or doesn’t happen, if they want to abuse you, they will find a reason to abuse you.
And whenever and however abuse happens, it’s wrong. Abuse is sin. Your abuser is sinning against you and against the Lord. And don’t ever let him tell you otherwise. Don’t ever let him explain away his abuse of you. There is no excuse for abuse–ever.
Soli Deo gloria!