Could my husband really be an abuser? Types of domestic abuse–part 3

A continuing look at different types of domestic abuse.

If your husband is an abuser, he might use your children as leverage against you:

Your abuser might seek to hurt you by hurting your children. He might yell at them, hit them, make fun of them, or in some other way abuse them.

He might seek to make you appear small to them by making fun of you in front of them, running you down to them, starting an argument in front of them, or by making them say things to you that are hurtful.

Your abuser might use your children to relay messages to you that are pointed or painful; by doing so, he puts them in the difficult position of being put in the middle or being forced to take sides.

He might seek to undermine your relationship with your children by telling you lies about them or them lies about you. He might lie to the children about you, perhaps blaming you for things he has done or failed to do. He might lie to you about the children, falsely telling you that they confided to him that they are afraid of you,  that they said you were cruel to them, etc..

If you have separated or divorced, he might use visitation rights to harass you. He might fail to keep up his child support. He might threaten to take the children away from you. He might threaten to hurt your children if you don’t talk to him, see him, etc.


He might isolate you:

Your abuser might prevent you from having contact with family or friends. He might prevent you from attending church. He might prevent you from having contact with family or friends (though he sees who he wants and has company over as he desires to). He might not allow you access to a computer or phone or strictly monitor your activity on them. He might refuse to allow you to use the car or strictly control when and how you are allowed to use it. He might refuse to allow you to have any outside interests or activities. He might move the family to remote locations. He might move the family frequently, move to run down houses or to dangerous areas as a means of controlling you. He might refuse to allow you to even exit the house without his permission.


He might control your every decision and act:

Your abuser might insist that you have no rights outside of those he grants you. He might make all of your decisions for you. He might tell you what you will believe, how you will act, how you will respond, how you will vote, and when and how you will speak to him or to others. He might give you more to do than you can possibly handle and insist that you complete the tasks in such a way or such a time knowing that you will fail so he can then justify punishing you. He might control the way you dress, wear your hair, what you do when, when you can sleep, what you can eat, how much bath water you use, when you can go to the bathroom and so on. He might control what you purchase. He might not give you enough money to buy what is needed but still blame you that there isn’t enough.



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